How to know you’re in trouble for the web demo you’re about to give

Your co-presenter says the following things during set-up. Let’s call this person a she. Let’s call her Pauline. Let’s also call her my boss.

• In establishing a wireless network connection she said “Oh, we’re not connected.” The status said connected 100% and it clearly was. I looked at her funny. She said “See, the little lines aren’t making it all the way across.”

  

  That’s eye-candy, Pauline. An animation. To make users feel warm inside. It means nothing. But that brick wall there, that really does exist. Best way to keep out viruses is to run your connection straight through solid brick. Kills ’em right off, I tell you.

• I ask her to find an empty spot on her desktop and drop a file there. She responds “There are no empty spaces.” Wha? Looking over I see she’s right. Not a single square of available space. I think everything she’s ever downloaded is crammed onto this single screen. Half of which are the executable installs for the very program icons that follow them. And, since Windows often uses the same icon for installs and for the program itself she reinstalls apps about as often as she means to run them.
• “Wow! How did you just switch programs that fast?” Um, I clicked on the other window. (No Alt-Tab sorcery here folks!) “I didn’t know you could do that,“ she says. ”If I need to go from one program to another I just close the window and open a new one.“ Hello, MS-DOS!

I’m doomed.