Soggy Olde England

Some of you are rightfully panicked that I’ve turned this blog into a long form writing exercise. What is this, some kind of Twitter-inspired backlash, you must be thinking. (In fact, the previous post generated some feedback which taught me a new acronym. TLDR: Too Long Didn’t Read.)

But worry not! I’m just back from a week in the UK and I’d like to prove that I can summarize it in minimalist fashion.

Duration: July 23-28
Locations visited: Southampton, Locks Heath, Hursley, London, Winchester, Portsmouth
Best pint (including pints 2-4): HSB (Horndean Special Bitter)
Most authentic pub/Highest odds target for health-and-safety inspection: Newport Inn, Braishfield
Best restaurant: Wykeham Arms, Winchester
Best curry/laxative: Masala Zone, London
Quaintest lodge: King’s Head, Hursley
Most frequently visited location by mistake: Marwell Zoological Park
Best thing about roundabouts: convenient u-turn opportunities for lost motorists
Worst thing about roundabouts: lost motorists
Funniest thing said to me: “Put your umbrella away. This is England.”
Most agreeable thing said to me: “Sir, we’re very full today so we’ve upgraded you to First Class.”
Worst realization: last train out of London doesn’t stop at the station I left my car at in Southampton
Near death experiences driving on left side of road while glancing at iPhone maps: 214
New factoid: trespassing is not, in itself, illegal in England
Old factoid: it rains a lot in England
Great factoid: when the US carrier fleet docks at Portsmouth for shore leave $10,000,000 is spent in a weekend (and London loses all its prostitutes temporarily)
One term that is not used in the UK: “teeter-totter”
Worst aspect of trip: the pound-to-dollar exchange rate
Strangest moment: American introducing Brits to the Utilikilt, Survival version

OK, that’s it. See, I can be brief.